I Did It!

Me in front of the courthouse—first
picture as a lawyer!

K, this post is going to be self-absorbed and all about me, but you know what?  I've EARNED it!

Yesterday, I was sworn in and admitted to the bar of the State of New York.  What does that mean? That means that I'm an honest-to-goodness, real life lawyer.  I can sign "Esquire" after my name now.  But I can also practice the law.  It means that I have accomplished something great.  I mean, wow, I'm, like, an adult now. ;)

Now, I know that there are people out there (in fact, I work with them and was sworn in with them) that don't consider being sworn in a big deal or maybe they are just trying to seem too cool or too busy to notice a major life event happening to them.  I did get sworn in during the "quick & dirty" ceremony with the clerk of the court rather than the big fancy official ceremony on Monday.  It wasn't because it was any less meaningful for me or even that I was so slammed at work.  Frankly, I was tired of waiting—having learned that I passed the bar exam in November.

For me, yesterday was a BIG FREAKING DEAL! I'm the first attorney in my family.  In fact, my mother did not even graduate college.  My father went to law school but had to quit his 3L year and me being an attorney was always a dream of his (I didn't realize until quite a bit later that it was also a dream of mine).  I actually got choked up during the oath.  "I do solemnly swear to uphold the laws of the Constitution of the United States and of the State of New York . . ."  There was more, but I don't remember. :(  And, oddly, it must be the only thing you can't find online.  

Anyway, I kept thinking about all the things I've had to overcome to get to that place, to that courtroom with the gold leaf wood carved ceiling and stained glass dome, to hear my name (shockingly pronounced correctly) during the roll call of all the attorneys.  I sometimes forget about what I've gone through.  I'm just so happy now and things are going really well.  It's so strange to think that there was a time where I didn't know if I could go on.  A time where things were so dark that I wondered if anything would ever be okay again.  But, yet, here I am.  I'm a corporate attorney in New York City.  I mean, things aren't perfect by any means (life would definitely be much improved if E were here or if my hours at work were predictable or even normal), but overall things are good.  What more could anyone ask for?

There have been many people in my life for whom I am very grateful.  And, yes, they have helped me along the way.  But as for this, I did it myself.  All those late nights studying and sacrifices I've made were worth it.  All the thing I've worked through were worth it:  My abusive stepmother.  My dad's passing.  Being estranged from my family growing up.  Moving every year.  All my life happenings have brought me to this point where I am better than that. And I have escaped from the cycle of abuse and dependence.  

So, I'm going to take this day and acknowledge that, at least in this moment, it is all about me.  And I'm damn proud of myself.