8 Month Check In

A little over eight months ago I moved away from my husband and started my legal career at BigLawNYC LLP.  And let me just say this, it's beginning to weigh on me.  The hours.  The distance.  The stress.  Even when the hours aren't that bad, I have the constant worry that at any moment they could get really bad.  As in, drop everything, your life now belongs to the firm bad.  Sleep? For the weak.  Seeing your husband? Too bad so sad.  This article actually really resonates with me and that makes me sad.

I'm still trying to figure out when exactly this happened to me.  When I started really disliking my job.  I don't dislike the work.  I dislike not getting work all day and then getting an email at 7pm at night for work to do that night.  I dislike checking my blackberry at 9:45pm on a Sunday night, meeting a friend for a drink and then coming home to an email with work to do that night, which also happens to consume the last few waking hours that E and I have together.  This is just insane. (Speaking of which, I just got an email for work... It's 11:30pm at night.  Yes, I write my posts in advance.)

I thought that I was intense.  I thought that I could cut it.  Right now, it doesn't feel like it.  I think that if E and I lived in the same city it wouldn't feel so bleak.  I can only hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

As for now, I'm trying to be the best attorney I can be.  Do my assignments with a smile on my face and try to keep a positive attitude.  Some days it's harder than others -- sorry to my summer associate for a downer lunch last week (it's not all bad, I swear!).  It hasn't been easy for the last 2 weeks or so but hopefully, I'll snap out of it soon.  To keep me occupied, I've come up with a plan to achieve #10 on my list (see the right).  I'm running in the March 4, 2012 Napa Valley Marathon.  I have all my workouts planned for the next 36 weeks.  Yes, I know that's hardcore, but a girl's gotta have a plan, right?  I'll blog about that plan later.

You would think that having a hardcore activity in your free time would be something admirable in an employee, right? Well, unfortunately, at my group's event last night, I found out that might not be the case!  I was making small talk with email-me-after-hours partner and mentioned something about work, got chastised and so went to a good fall back -- what I do in my free time.  Well, after that, I was telling a different partner about the Corporate Challenge and about how since I'm long distance from my husband, I've found something to do in my spare time -- train for a marathon.  I was also using this as an excuse to bow out "early" and not go drinking with everyone after our boat cruise.  Oh, yeah, bummer I can't go out... I have a 3-miler scheduled for the morning...  Anyway, his response to my talking about training:  Oh, you have time to go to the gym?  Hmmmm.... that's not right.  We'll have to fix that.  Ummmmm..... WTF!?  Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was joking.  NOT appropriate!  I was so stressed after I left the event that I had to call my MiL and my husband and just ask whether I just messed up and now I'm not going to have any free time because apparently that's unacceptable. Argh! I wanted to be an NYC atty, why!?