I Could Continue to Blog about Our Trip out West, But I'm Going to Bitch about My Week Instead

I promise the trip updates will continue, but today I just need to bitch.  Do you ever have days/weeks like that?  I would say that I was over this week before 10am on Tuesday morning.  That's a terrible sign!

First, I'll start with Hellish Week: Home Edition.

Over the weekend, the pipes under our sink were leaking and the maintenance guy came and took care of it right away.  Problem solved, right? Wrong.  But we'll get to that.  My Tuesday morning started with me getting TRAPPED in our garage.  Yes, folks.  I had a Christine moment.  As I was about to pull out of my garage, the garage door shut behind me and that turned off the lights.  For a brief moment, I was in the garage in the dark with my car running.  I definitely had an irrational fear that my car was trying to kill me.  I immediately turned off the car.  My clicker wouldn't work.  The button on the side of the garage wouldn't work.  So, I did what any person would do.  I called my husband at work.  And he didn't answer.  So somehow I ended up calling his gym (don't ask).  He did call me back and told me about this magical device called an emergency release lever.  So I pulled this lever and manually lifted my garage door.  I am now aware of how unsafe my garage is.  The only way of ingress/ egress is the garage door itself.

Anyway, on the way to work on Tuesday, I almost ran out of gas because the one gas station I knew had diesel fuel closed unexpectedly!  Thank goodness for google maps.  Anyway, Tuesday Morning was quickly followed by Wednesday morning.  Cue flooding of kitchen, broken coffeemaker and possessed garage door.  I woke up this morning to a flooded kitchen—water all over the counter, under the sink, on the floor.  And this water leakage was completely separate from the leaking from this weekend.  And Erik told me that the garage door was opening and closing in the middle of the night last night.  Why is my apartment cursed?!  Anyway, in the midst of all this, I am thankful that we live in an apartment complex that is so quickly responsive to our maintenance needs.  I'm also thankful that Erik stuck around this morning to deal with the maintenance guy and that we don't own a home because otherwise we would have had to call a plumber and it probably would have had to wait until the weekend and cost us $$$.

As if the home stuff wasn't stressful, enter Hellish Week: Work Edition.

Now, I will say that hellish weeks here do not compare to hellish weeks at Big LawNYC LLP.  This week is a new special kind of hellish.  I've been hesitant to mention it on the blog because, well, it all seemed so promising a little over a month ago.  I was hoping that the things that are making me hate my job and long for my days in NYC were just anomalies and things would get better.  Yeah, they haven't.  Today, I went to full on freak out mode.  I chatted on gchat with my go-to advice friend (CR, you are a wonderful friend and I know I don't reciprocate, but I love you and am so thankful we are friends), I emailed my best friend at BigLawNYC LLP and told her that we needed to talk asap (JSkim, I am also so thankful for you but I don't think you read the blog so... yeah...) and I called my former hallway buddy as well (BL, you are amazing and I miss you keeping me centered throughout the drama of daily law practice). 

So... I lost about 3 billable hours of time I was at work today to bitch and moan and mope about the state of affairs of my current law practice.  I'm just over the problems of having to prove myself yet again, doing things that at my prior firm I would have asked a paralegal to do and getting shit work that the junior associates don't feel like doing themselves because I'm the new kid.  I moved every freakin' year of elementary school.  I'm way over being the new kid.  Partners actually stop by my office to ask me if I'm "having fun".  Sure, if I enjoyed getting crap work and not getting much in the way of substantive work all while working 10+ hour days and feeling like I've gone backwards professionally instead of forwards. Yeah, I'm having a fucking blast.  And the whole, everyone is so nice?  Yes, it's true people are friendlier but I miss my crotchety new york coworkers.  And, in fact, it's exhausting to say hi to people in the halls and pretend to be happy when I'm not.  The highlight of my day (pre-coming home to E) is driving on a semi-empty highway in my awesome new car.  I spend my day counting down the hours until I can leave.  I hate it.  As much as the work was stressful at BigLawNYC LLP, I loved the type of work I did.  I can see how a lot of associates join big law firms and hate it.  I feel like my soul is being sucked away and have taken on more work than I would rather just to be able to do substantive stuff that reminds me why I like being an attorney in the first place.  UGH.  Hopefully, this is all part of a transition period until after I come back for my bar leave.  If not, I'm stuck here for at least a year due to clawback provisions in my offer letter.  We don't really have the funds to pay TechLaw PC back for all my moving and bar expenses and my signing bonus.  Le sigh.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Tuesday I was staffed on a deal that will require work over Thanksgiving.  Awesome.  Is it Friday evening yet?!?

First Thoughts on New Job

I know that I owe everyone photos.  Photos of our AWESOME! road trip out to California.  Photos from our AWESOME! weekend adventures to both Half Moon Bay and the Santa Cruz Mountains.  And, finally, photos from our AWESOME! new apartment.  But you're stuck with photos of my new office.  ::Shrug::

You're also stuck with my first impressions TechLaw PC from my first 3 days.  (Please don't begrudge me my cheesy fake law firm names).

• I feel like I had been in a time warp technology-wise.  It's all very overwhelming.  I actually got to choose between a PC and Mac! Wow.  (I picked Mac)
• People here are SO FRIENDLY.  Like, almost too friendly.  I leave work every day exhausted from the friendliness.  I'm a perky person, but there are limits, people!
• I was able to pick out art from an art room for my own office.  Yay for not having to share an office anymore!
• My firm only uses color paperclips.
• I get to work on cool IPOs with start-ups.
• The pay is the same as NYC but the hours are WAY better.  My prior definition of a run-of-the-mill bad week: 9am to 2am.  My new definition: 10am to 10pm.
• My firm not only takes recycling seriously (very seriously) but also composts and supports a local food bank.
• There is free sparkling water in the cafeteria.
• People here wear clothing that is not just black.
• Partners stop by my office to say "hi" and encourage me to "stop by" their offices to talk about what they are working on.
• My commute home today consisted of a harvest moonrise over darkened mountains.  It was amazing.  No joke.

Now the photos.

Yes, my office comes with a plant!

View from my desk.

The door from my desk.

View from door.  My window overlooks an exterior courtyard.

Paperclips in color!

Working on #5 (Part III)

Note: You may want to read starting at Part I also posted today.

So, the trip to California went really really well.  I flew back this morning on a red eye (ouch!!!) after doing a double-header interview (2 firms, 10 people, one day.... again ouch!!).  The good news is that even before I left Cali, I had 2/3 offers!  The third came today.  Ultimately, there's one firm that stuck out in my mind.  Of course, I have to see the official offer but I will be negotiating certain compensation items.  I can't wait to tell you all about it when I officially accept!  I think that it will be sooo different than my experience now (in terms of social etiquette stuff) but will also be very similar in terms of actual work!  Best of both worlds?!!

Anyway, because I've gotten offers, I decided that I shouldn't wait to give notice.  I will say that the people I told were pretty surprised.  It's very early in my career to make a move.  And, frankly, last week notwithstanding, I'm actually pretty bummed about not getting more out of my experience.

At any rate, I did it.  Today, I quit my first legal job.  It's so hard to believe.  My last day will either be the 9th or the 16th or somewhere in between.  Only 3 weekends left!  Expect lots of Scavenger Hunt updates. :)  My past stresses with telling partners at the firm stuff were no indication of how easy it was to give notice.  I'm leaving for good reasons not bad so there were no hard feelings.  I was able to tell them with a straight face that this was not part of the plan and that I'm a little disappointed to be leaving so soon.  But I also told them that I'm so happy to be reunited with my husband.  That they can totally relate to!  SO, as of September 1, 2011 (a full TWO YEARS ahead of schedule btw), I will accomplish my #5 on the 30 Before 30 list.  YAY us!

As for now, I'm taking a mental health break and not planning any logistics.  Between the back to back interviews, stress of my deal before I left, the red eye, a busy day at work and the earthquake (really strange on the 47th floor), I need to relax!  Expect more updates as we finalize plans.

Working on #5 (Part II)

Note: This blog post was written on August 16, 2011. Warning. It's really long, but it's worth it. Well, if you want to find out about #5, then it is. :)

We last left off on Friday night where I was told to get sleep in preparation for a hellish weekend.  Well, it certainly was!  I worked about 32-33 hours this past weekend.  I'm not even joking.  And did the deal sign yesterday?!  NO.  Maybe it'll sign tomorrow, maybe it'll never sign.  At this point, I just don't even freakin' care.  I could go into a huge rant about being marginalized on the deal (potentially my fault for being distracted last week but not entirely my fault because the person I'm working with has trouble delegating), mismanaged (sitting around for 4+ hours waiting for comments on a beautiful Saturday!) and sleep-deprived (not going to bed before 3:30am Saturday night and leaving work at 4am on Monday morning only to come back in at 10am and bill a measly 3 hours -- soooooooo pointless).

Some good things have happened since last Friday.  Erik faxed in his offer acceptance today (their final approval pending on his background check).  And, I got another interview in California and booked my travel out there.

This is all happening very quickly.  I will say that this past week of work has not made the decision harder.  Especially since while I'm trying to write this (at 9pm-10:30pm at home, mind you), I keep getting emails with work even though I billed a total of ONE f*cking hour during normal work hours!  While I'm not too upset about leaving my job, I am sad that I worked the whole of what may will be one of my last weekends in NYC.  But my body really hates working like this.  Between the crazy week at work and Erik interviewing and me interviewing and wondering how I'm going to get to California for several days without letting the cat out of the bag, I've been a little less than calm and collected.  My ulcer is acting up.  My allergies decided to go haywire (which really makes me think I'm allergic to my firm.  The last time my allergies similarly freaked was during an equally bad week.  I'm thinking it's the air recirculating in the skyscraper....).  Also, I'm really really tired.  And don't even get me started on my back...

But the absolute WORST thing about this is that I can't tell anyone.  I mean, I can but I can't.  Sure, like 10 people total know.  The people I talk to every day.  I can't lie to the people I have close relationships with.  I just can't.  But the associate who's kind of making things terrible for me?  Eh, he doesn't need to know.  I'll tell him (and everyone else for that matter) when I give notice at my firm.  And I won't give notice until I have a job offer (I'll give notice before I accept the offer -- hopefully, I'll have several and be able to negotiate for higher pay/ step-up in class year/ signing bonus /etc.).  Anyway, I'm not a dishonest person by nature.  I just am not.  I have a really hard time lying.  Someone asked me if I was renewing my lease and I was like, "Ummm..... well..... yeah....".  So bad!  Now said person thinks something is up and keeps asking me random personal questions.  He really wants to know what's up!  We're not that good of friends, buddy.  It's actually kind of funny.  My friend Jisoo and I have dubbed him Noseyparker.  Coincidentally, this post hit ATL.  All I could think was—exactly!

One of the things that I had to do yesterday was let the partner know I was taking personal days.  This is the same partner of this post and this post (and the 8 months post about only getting after hours emails).  I mean, do I say that I have "family issues" or "personal stuff"?  Do I make up a sick family member?  Do I tell him I'm moving?  Do I tell him Erik has a job in California (he knows E was looking for a job and that we are long distance)?  Ultimately, I ended up sending the following email after I got my travel confirmation from the firm in Palo Alto:

Subject:  Personal Days  Hi [Partner],

I know this is probably not the best timing but over the course of the last week some personal stuff has come up. Unfortunately, I am going to need to take a few personal days to go to California Thursday through Monday to take care of things. I was hoping that XXXXX would sign today so I wasn't leaving in the middle of a deal. I'm taking the red eye back Monday night/ Tuesday morning so I anticipate being in at the beginning of the day Tuesday. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Best,
Meaghan

I stressed about this email much like I stressed about this email.  Clicking "send" literally took my breath away.  Fortunately, he was receptive.  He emailed me back rather quickly (as opposed to my vacation reminder with no response) and merely said that it was fine with him and to remind him later.  Wow.  So easy, right?  An unfortunate and unexpected side effect of sending said email was my motivation plummeting.  It was as though by clicking send, I effectively gave notice that I was leaving.  I know this isn't the case and I am fairly confident he doesn't know what's up, but still.  I haven't taken any personal days before (and probably wouldn't if not for this).

Anyway, despite working ALL weekend, things during the week have been really SLOW.  That's totally annoying.  Monday, I billed a total of 2.7 hours.  Today, not much better.  Sigh.  I guess that's life.  One of the things that I've decided to do while being slow (and will probably continue to be slow because I won't get staffed on something as soon as they know I'm leaving), is to work on finishing my Scavenger Hunt series.  So, today I made a list (by neighborhood) of all the things I have left to see.  I haven't even scratched the surface, guys!  I have my work cut out for me but hopefully I'll have some work-free weekends to explore and cross things off the list.  Wish me luck!

Working on #5 (Part I)

Note: This blog post was written on August 12, 2011.  Warning.  It's really long, but it's worth it.  Well, if you want to find out about #5, then it is. :)

This has been a crazy, crazy week.  In fact, it's made that much crazier by the fact that I CAN'T TELL ANYONE what's going on.  I mean, sure, there are people that know what's going on.  (I think I could count them on both hands.)    There are lots of reason why I can't tell anyone.  Most of all because things may not work out as planned and then I'll look like a failure and also I haven't given notice at work.  Erik's already held up his end of the bargain with his (awesome!!!) job offer.  But now it's my turn...

K, I should reset.  Background.  Back in April/May, Erik dropped a bombshell on me.  What if we moved to California?  Umm...... WHAT?!!?  For the 6 months leading up to that point, he had alternated between moving to NYC, looking for professorships around the country (most likely Atlanta) and doing consulting in Chicago.  He was trying to make his own way and figure out what he truly wanted, and I was TOTALLY supportive of that especially because I can practice law anywhere.  For real.  But California?! Really?!!  Let's just say that that weekend was not our best weekend visit.  I freaked out and it was tabled.  By the way, for those that don't know me very well, I don't like life-changing surprises.  God help us if we accidentally get pregnant before we (okay, I) prepare.

Fast forward to June.  The third week of June, Erik mentions California to me again.  Only this time, I'm receptive.  Another lesson learned: Tell me something, I freak out.  Then mention it a few months later, and I'm totally game.  Ah, to be a woman...  Anyway, I was on board this time.  Erik and I began work on his resume and cover letter.  He actually wanted to take advantage of my editing skills! Yay for Team Nelson!  All joking aside, he's an excellent writer and presenter and just an overall rockstar so he doesn't really need my help... well, except for those italicized commas and small typos in the resume...  The life of an attorney.

We waited and we waited for places to get back to him.  He followed up after 3 weeks (and after Simon and Annemarie's wedding!).  Then, during my vacation from work during the last 2 weeks of July, he had a phone interview.  AND it went well!!  So, during vacation, we decided that I would contact a recruiter that had already placed 2 people in my class (the "Lost Generation" of lawyers) at my firm to other firms (both in Texas, oddly enough).  I heard he had good contacts on the West Coast as well so I figured it was worth a shot.  Initially our search included Portland but that was quickly thrown by the wayside after the recruiter confirmed it was a career-killer for me.

Anyway, fast forward again to this week.  Erik flew out to California this past Tuesday to interview at two amazing and well known companies (which will not be mentioned on the blog for obvious reasons).  I have half a mind to call them I'm-So-Smart, Inc. and We're Badass Corp.  Only because Erik's so amazing to have these opportunities, especially in such a bad economy.  Anyway, also during this week:  One of the deals that had died, come back, died, and now is back in a very complicated form has completely destroyed my week. I only went to bed before 3:30am once this week.  ONCE.  It was Monday night and it was 1:30am.  Although, in hindsight, Monday night's late night was totally worth it.  I met my Bmaid Jess (yes, I still consider her my bmaid 2 years later) for drinks and it was fab to just catch up!  Despite that otherwise bright spot, this week (for me) has been very stressful.  Erik was out of pocket with interviews and work was stressful and then to boot, on Wednesday I got an interview at my top choice firm!  I'm not a deceitful person by nature.  I think that's why this has been such a stressful week.  I don't like not telling people what's going on with me.  I'm an open book and being a closed one is just killing me.
Anyway, back to Wednesday.  Erik's interview on Wednesday went amazing and he got a really fabulous job offer at his top choice.  OMG YAY!!  As of right now, he's still "thinking" about it, which is, honestly, driving me coo-coo.  Like, didn't you think of this before you went out there??!  Anyway, we're 99% sure we are going to California after his interview.  Umm.... HOLY COW!!  Also on Wednesday, I received interest from THE top firm in the Silicon Valley.  Even though I've been working insane hours, I decided to pull the trigger and make it happen.

On Thursday at 5:30pm, I had an interview with a partner from the firm.  Thankfully, I was able to sneak out for an hour.  Within 10 minutes he said "When we fly you out...".  I was, like, "Oh, thank you for saying that.  I really look forward to it."  The practice in his group is basically exactly what I do now.  A mixture of corporate governance and mergers & acquisitions.  I love the importance of client relationships with this firm.  So, I come back to work on Thursday at around 7pm with the knowledge that I have an interview next week in Palo Alto, California.  Well, actually two interviews.

Quick digression about Palo Alto.  It's 2.5 hours from my family in Sacramento.  It's 1.5 hours from where we honeymooned!  Talk about crazy.  When I fly to Palo Alto next week, I will be flying to the same area exactly 2 years from our honeymoon.  And this deal at work is INSANE.  Obviously, I can't talk about it now and won't even when it signs.  But, let's just say I'm really looking forward to Monday when it is supposedly signing.  I was told tonight, Friday, that I should go home in a few hours (this was at 7pm) and "rest up" and "get as much sleep as possible".  This does not bode well for the rest of my weekend, which also happens to be Erik's and my anniversary weekend.

Obviously, there are more pressing things on our mind right now.  I think the sacrifices we are making now (i.e., not celebrating our anniversary together) are going to pay off so well in less than a month.

My Commute

My commute consists of 3 short blocks (that's how E and I describe the north-south blocks as opposed to the east-west blocks).  Let's just say that 20 blocks equal a mile.  You can do the math, but it's an extremely short commute by any measure.  In the mornings, the commute goes by really fast.  It's sunny.  It's not too hot yet.  The street smells haven't become more pungent by the summer day.  I haven't been beaten down by a day of work.  Etc.

The commute home, however, has it's downsides.  I can never get home fast enough.  I live in a very touristy neighborhood, and I identify with the feelings behind this article sooooo much.  (No, really, you should click the link.  It's really good.)  Anyway, living in this neighborhood does have upsides.  For one, I can walk home safely at night until after 2:30am (that's my personal safety threshold).  Any later than that then you have to deal with the roving teenage gangs.  No joke.  I left work at 4:45am one morning (I know, please kill me) and asked the security guard to walk me home please because it was snowing and there were no cabs and I felt unsafe.  Good thing he did!  There was a real life gang of about 5 teenage boys on my side of the street.  Had I been alone and not with a retired police officer, it would be have been very scary.  That was back in January or February.

For the last 6 months, my journeys home have been rather uneventful.  Until Thursday of last week.  I'm walking home at 2:30am from work (right at the threshold) minding my own business when this tall English guy (who reeks of alcohol btw) says something to me.  At first I think that I must be hearing things because no one talks to each other on the street (see #5 on the list from the article).  But no, he was talking to me.  This is our conversation—we'll call him Liam:

Liam: Do you feel safe walking by yourself at this time of night?
Me: (in my head: Yeah, until now you creepo! Please don't attack me, steal my purse or rape me.  I'll attempt to be nice to you so you don't get offended then aggressive then do the things just listed.) Yeah, I walk home in this neighborhood at this hour often.  It's a pretty safe area.
Liam: Really?  I don't know if I even feel safe walking alone.  You sure?
Me: Umm... why? Should I not feel safe for some reason?
Liam (ignoring my why-the-fuck-are-you-talking-to-me attitude): Where are you coming from?
Me: Work.  I work in that building right there.  It's not a far walk.  And there are always lots of cops around this neighbor (so don't attack me!) so it's definitely safe if that's what you are worried about.
Liam: What do you do?
Me: I'm an attorney.
Liam: Oh, wow, you must be really smart...
Me: I don't know about that.  I'm at a job where I'm just now leaving work.  Where are you coming from?
Liam: [unintelligible because he's obviously VERY drunk]
Me: Fortunately, I'm home! Bye!

All I can say is thank GOD I live so close to work and live in a doorman building.  This is exactly why I picked my apartment.  Just this past Monday I walked home at 4am!  No, it probably wasn't the smartest decision but I looked around and saw city construction workers and a cop car so made the decision it was safe.  The one scary part was when I heard fast footfalls behind me.  I turn around quickly and see this man running towards me.  Took me a second to figure out that he's running for exercise.  Who is this insane person exercising at 4am in the morning?!  Why is he already awake?!  And why was I still awake?!!

Anyway, really, Mom, it's safe.  I swear!

Au Naturel (#3)

No.  Not that kind!  But, wow, would that make your morning at work interesting!  Nope, it's my #3 on the 30 Before 30 List.  (Aren't I just knocking them off left and right?! Low hanging fruit...)

Anyway, it is official as of my hair appointment on Thursday.  I am now completely dye-free.  Bonus: I love my natural hair color -- especially after my trip to Pensacola and the caramel highlights came out.  I really miss the blond.  BUT I will not miss the money I've spent on the highlights and the touchups.  Yay for being the way I was born and economical to boot.

Grainy photo from the iPhone reverse camera. 
Really wish E and I lived together! (just for the blog though) ;)

This haircut almost didn't happen - twice.  Since I just came back from vacation, things have been a little slow at work. I also knew my partner would be at a meeting across town in the early afternoon.  I should be able to take 45 minutes and get a (much needed) haircut, right?  Wrong.

First attempt at going to my hair place (which is a mere 3 blocks from my office, mind you):  While in the elevator, I get an email from my partner (same one from this conversation).  I get off on the ground floor and get right back on to go back up to the 47th floor.  I take care of the task in the email and at the same time push back my hair appointment 15 minutes, just in case.

Second attempt (10 minutes after I complete the task and on track to be about 5 minutes early for my appointment): This time I make it out of the building and onto the street.  I make it one block and get another email.  Again, I go back into the building and take the elevator all the way back up to 47.

Third attempt (running 5 minutes late for my appointment): I make a break for it!  And it all works out.  Whew.  I think my hairdresser saw how stressed I was.  She gave me an extra long scalp massage during my shampoo for which I am so thankful.

Vacation Reminder

There are many things that working before law school and law school itself do not prepare you for.  The obvious is the actual practice of law.  The not-so-obvious things that you are not prepared for are the weird law firm rules of etiquette.  Normal rules of etiquette? Throw them out the window.  Normal workplace rules of etiquette? Nope.

Case in point: This week's stressful task of figuring out just how exactly to remind my partner that I'm on vacation until August 1.  In the normal world, this would not be stressful.  It wasn't like I was requesting vacation.  I did that in January.  It wasn't like we hadn't discussed it a little less than a month ago.  We had.  In fact, back in June, I even mentioned rescheduling my vacation based on some client stuff.  So why the stress? Because I work at a place where the normal rules do not apply!

I asked several different associates what I should do.  Examples included:

1. Giving a week's heads up followed by an email the morning of the last day in the office.
2. Waiting until the partner calls/ emails you about something and then replying to that email, including your vacation reminder.
3. Sending the reminder email as the last thing you do in the office.
4. Do nothing and then if you get an email while on your vacation, remind the partner that's where you are.
5. Email the partner at the end of the day on Monday/ Tuesday.

SO.  Obviously, #3 and #4 are out of the picture.  That is just not me.  The person who recommended those was obviously burned in the past.  He said he tried a variation of #2 and his partner was basically like, why the f* are you wasting my time with this? And then gave him work while he was on vacation.  I like to think that my partner isn't like that.  Yeah, I live in a fantasyland.  When I talk to people about this, they're like - do you even think he remembers you are going on vacation? He has a lot on his mind.  He doesn't care and you are completely replaceable.  I just don't like that about my job.  Shouldn't your boss know these things?  

Anyway, I was too late for #1 because I didn't remember I should remind people until Monday.  Oops.  I tried #2 but the partner just wasn't contacting me.  So, that leaves #5, which I did.  I tortured myself over the wording of the email.  How do I remind the partner while making it clear that I'm trying not to be annoying and that it's not a request for a vacation but a reminder?  The result:

Subject: Vacation Reminder

Partner,

I just wanted to send you a quick reminder that I'm going on vacation starting this Friday and returning to the office Monday, August 1.  Please let me know if there's anything you would like me to do before I go out of town.  Regarding [Client Matter], I have not heard anything from the Company.

Best,

Meaghan

Now this email deviates from ALL the advice I received in that I offered to do work on stuff before I left.  NO ONE would do that.  In fact, if I mentioned that to any of the people who gave me advice, they would say that was dumb.  Like I said, normal niceties/ rules of etiquette just do not reply.  Oy vey!

“Well, You Weren’t Stuck Here All Night Then.”

That’s what my partner said when I answered his question the morning after my deal signed.  Here’s how the rather awkward conversation by the coffee machine went:

P: I saw your deal signed late last night.  Congrats!  Were you stuck here all night?

Me: Well, I got about 2 hours of sleep.

P: Hmm... Well, that’s not all night then!

Me: I didn’t say that it was...  I ended up sleeping from 3:45am to 5:30am.

P: Did you go home?

Me: Yeah, just thought it would be better that way especially since I live so close.  If anything happened, I could just run back here.

P: Well, then that’s definitely not that bad.  The last time that happened to me, since I live far away from the office, I just slept here.  Fortunately, I have a couch...

Me: Yeah, I didn’t think it was that bad.  Someone was telling me to invest in a yoga mat to sleep on, but since I live so close, that seems silly.

P: Oh, I have some things to say about people who suggest that but I won’t get into that now...

Um, where the fuck am I working where sleeping from THREE FORTY-FIVE AM TO FIVE THIRTY AM is “not that bad”?!!?  And where advice from a more senior associate is to buy a YOGA MAT to sleep on?!?  Really?  And the scary thing, I’m beginning to think like that.  I seriously went into work every day last week telling myself that I may not be going home that night and then when I went home around 2:30am, I was actually happy about that.  And I still felt a little guilty leaving every day earlier than normal even though I didn’t have work.  I mean, I did NOT feel guilty on Wednesday after not really sleeping the night before, but Thursday and Friday -- those were more gray.

Of course, today, Friday, information was publicly announced regarding yet another deal I was on that had supposedly died an untimely death about 2 months ago.  Well, looks like it’s back on.  I spent most of today worrying about whether I would be able to even make it back to Boston to see Erik.  But the phone call never came.  So I left work early and hopped on an early (6pm) train to Boston.  And here I am, catching up on blogposts (boring ones with no pictures, I know).  I’m not completely convinced that my weekend will be quiet and I actually really do want to work on this deal since I do some general corporate stuff for the company, but I also want to see my husband -- having not seen him since May 1.

Note: This post was written on May 20. :) 

You Look a Lot Less Tired When You Smile

To say that this past week has been intense would be an understatement.  Let's put it this way: I billed over 100 hours since last Thursday morning.  That is to say, this past week I worked and I slept.  I did eat but it was while working.  And the sleeping? It was minimal.

BUT it was pretty great.  In the late hours last night, my client signed a $1 billion deal that was announced publicly this morning.  I filed the 8-K with the SEC that made it official at 8:15 a.m.  I slept from 3:45 a.m. to 5:30 a.m. this morning, which means that I got less than 2 hours of sleep last night.  I negotiated the inclusion/absence of certain contracts with the counsel for the other side, who were, in some cases, several years ahead of me experience-wise (and won the arguments).  I helped our client sign what could be the biggest deal of the respective major employees' careers.  This deal could change the course of the particular area of business in which the parties are involved.  It's just so exciting.  The past few days have reinforced for me that I've found what I want to do.  Yes, it's tough.  Yes, you don't get to sleep a lot and it's stressful at times.  But, wow.  To be involved in something that changes the course of business for a major company?  Amazing.

I know that last paragraph sounds braggy, and perhaps it is, but I'm proud of this.  And, frankly, thinking about things in that light makes the last week worth it.  Well, worth it is strong.  Maybe — makes it less bad?  I missed some things that I had planned the past few days—a good friend's birthday, Erik coming in town (had to cancel), my undergrad alumni event (ending up being able to go for only 45 minutes on Tuesday).  On Friday when I realized my weekend was toast, I felt like crying.  I literally put my head in my hands and just breathed.  I had been looking forward to the above, and I felt frustrated at the lack of communication on the timing.  The thing is, once you get staffed on a deal, your life is no longer your own.  You can't expect to do anything except for working and it pretty much always comes out of the blue.  I'm learning to be flexible.

I've pushed my body the last week further than I thought possible before.  I feel like I can accomplish anything (Disclaimer:  That might be the adrenaline talking).  I've been operating on less than 5 hours of sleep for the past week and then last night was practically an all-nighter.  And yet, throughout I was able to maintain a positive attitude.  What's the point of being bitter when there's nothing you can do short of quitting your job? I signed up for this when accepting my offer at BigLawLLP, and I'm gaining experience that's only going to make me a better attorney and more marketable should I choose to leave.  I hope my viewpoint on this never changes.  There are so many people unhappy with their jobs at my firm, and it makes me sad.  I hope I never become the more senior associate that just doesn't care that you haven't seen your husband for a month.  Or the one that doesn't tell you until 9 p.m. that you may not get to sleep that night.  There's something to be said for treating people like, well, people.

Now to explain the title of this post.  I've been a little surprised that I haven't looked worse upon waking than I normally do this week.  My night secretary keeps saying that she's shocked I've gotten as little sleep as I have this past week.  And last night, I was confused for an admitted student at my alumni event.  Yes, that's right folks -- some poor man thought I was SEVENTEEN!!  ?*@*$#%@#$^!?! is all I have to say about that.  When I look in the mirror in the morning, I have noticed one important thing the last few days.  When you smile, you don't look as tired.  The bags under your eyes tighten, lift and disappear (almost).  That's my beauty secret.  Just keep smiling.  Smile even if you feel like you are about to collapse.  Smile and say that you are happy to help any way you can even when you feel micro-managed because you can control how other people make you feel and you can control your workflow.  If you ask for work, people are less likely to randomly give you work (I learned this in law school.  If you volunteer in class, you are less likely to be cold-called).  I have chosen this line of work for right now, and there's no sense in being pouty or grumpy about it.  "Fake it until you make it."  When you smile and have a positive and can-do attitude, people want to work with you.  When you volunteer for more work or ask how you can help, not only are you building goodwill with your colleagues (hence, me being able to leave in the middle of signing to go to an alumni event), you are making it such that people are happy to work with you.  It makes the process go much smoother.  No one wants to work until 3 a.m., and if you are stuck doing so, you might as well do it with personable, upbeat people, right?

I'm happy that this last week has been spent with some pretty cool, personable people.  I'm looking forward to closing this deal with them in fall.  And I'm looking forward to the combined company to go forth and prosper.

Side note: Needless to say the working out has NOT happened this past week.  I'll hit the gym.... Friday? ;)