Today my travels took me to Gary, Indiana again to see my aunt and great aunt. Boy, did I dread this visit. My last visit was pretty painful and more than a little traumatizing so I was not looking forward to going through that again -- especially when I didn't have my husband to come home to. I had hoped that my car was broken and needed to go into the shop. I got my oil change yesterday and think I am the only person out there that wished for major damage (my emission light has been on the fritz). Unfortunately, all was okay. I even contemplated lying about car trouble - how would she know? So, after thinking all these horrible thoughts, I decided to call my cousin to try to get out of the visit (maybe my ailing aunt forgot that I was coming?) but no dice. She was really excited about my visit. I'm not a horrible person so, of course, I pushed all thoughts of not going out of my head. But that doesn't mean I was excited about driving a 5-hour round trip for a 2 hour visit to a house that just feels like death.
But you know what? I did it. I didn't want to and even though I felt like I had done enough good deeds for the week, I went. I didn't go for me (it would have been much easier to stay home and just pretend that these things don't exist), but I went for my aunt. And, frankly, I'm rather proud of myself for that. It's not fun being an adult sometimes. It's not fun to go to a home where the people are aging and sick and dying, but that's what we do for loved ones. We choke down the condensed tomato soup and grilled cheese with Kraft singles while looking at a gangrene-decomposing foot because, as adults, we give of ourselves to those that we love because it makes them feel better.
And I'm not trying to say I'm an angel about the whole thing because I'm not. I feel very proud of myself. I feel like a good person and I'm happy to relish in that. That makes me someone who is not a martyr -- it's just not my style. And I am blogging about this to brag in a way. I mean, goshdarnit it was hard, and I did it anyway! Part of this is probably a reaction to my upbringing and being told that I was selfish and didn't care about anyone but myself (but, of course, I did - my stepmother just didn't want to see it). This is my proof that I'm not selfish, that I am a good person and that I, frankly, deserve to be happy.
At any rate, the visit was surprisingly pleasant. I showed the aunts my honeymoon photos, which they enjoyed. It turned out to be my great aunt's birthday today. Good thing I brought potted plants for both of my aunts! Sometimes the stars align nicely (thanks, MiL for always encouraging me to bring flowers always). We chit-chatted about general, random things and watched Wife Swap. Towards the end of the 2.5 hours, my aunts' eyes were starting to get droopy, so I took the hint and mentioned needing to get home before dark. I really felt like they were happy that I came. I'm happy that I went -- both for them and for me. It was nice to see my Aunt Judy looking better. She actually got all dolled up for my visit (so cute!) with a new wig (her hair is very thin), makeup and jewelry! It made me feel very special and I told her so. I hope that the next time when Erik comes with me that they are in such good spirits. We shall see.
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